i need school to be overrrrrrrrr. i’ll return to tumblr when i actually have time for anything.
Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.
Rainer Maria Rilke in a letter to W. von Hulewicz
The conversation tonight went on a tangent similar to this for a little while too. I love things coming full circle.
I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately…
I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life!
To put to rout all that was not life…
And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived…
Henry David Thoreau
This was the gist of a four hour long conversation my roommate and I just had tonight. And the subject of my final project. I love fantastic conversations like this.
This hasn’t been a year. Just one day 365 times.
![Gratuitous Picture of Yourself Miðvikudagur: Work Work Work edition.
In this photo you will notice:+ My Drawing For Design portfolio made out of masking tape and a box+ A Margot and the Nuclear So & Sos poster that my old roommate made in printmaking and left behind+ My computer with an Icelandic iceberg screensaver+ A makeshift endtable [A plastic tub, a scarf, and an old suitcase]+ A Paul Almasy poster of an artist painting in snowy Montmartre in 1968+ My typical hairstyle: careless ponytail with multiple pencils/pens/paintbrushes stuck through it](http://15.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ksm91bLRjJ1qz7dlvo1_500.jpg)
Gratuitous Picture of Yourself Miðvikudagur: Work Work Work edition.
In this photo you will notice:
+ My Drawing For Design portfolio made out of masking tape and a box
+ A Margot and the Nuclear So & Sos poster that my old roommate made in printmaking and left behind
+ My computer with an Icelandic iceberg screensaver
+ A makeshift endtable [A plastic tub, a scarf, and an old suitcase]
+ A Paul Almasy poster of an artist painting in snowy Montmartre in 1968
+ My typical hairstyle: careless ponytail with multiple pencils/pens/paintbrushes stuck through it
I keep having to transfer money from my Iceland savings into my regular account because of stupid things like the $150 I had to pay to get 12 unnecessary books made for this ridiculous Exhibition class. 12 books that I spent time designing, and money getting printed, that weren’t even used.
That is the short version of why I ended up at the ocean the other day.
Dear Fryderyk Chopin,
Please help me get this project finished tonight. Please help me to stop wanting to curl into a little ball under my blankets and cry and cry and cry.
Yours,
Lately
I feel very in tune with the idea that I need to live, to do things, to see things, to experience the world. If I didn’t think that at some point a BFA would be useful to me, I would probably drop out of school and just go and go and go and go. Anywhere. Everywhere. I want to climb mountains and sit under waterfalls and have rain fall on my face and not know where to find shelter and struggle to communicate with people and survive off of the land and feed my horse and paddle upstream and find my way with the stars and tell time with the sun and not understand the grocer and live with leaves in my hair and a perpetual sunburn and develop 500 photos of trees all at once and sail across the Prime Meridian and go and go and go and go and never stop until my body says “YOU CAN’T GO ANYMORE” and then I want to tell my body “STFU AND KEEP GOING”.
Oh my goodness, I don’t know what is with me tonight but I am so full of life and readiness I could explode. Someone. Do something. I need to experience.
oh my gosh
+ My night was fantastic
+ My roommate is fantastic
+ My life is fantastic
+ I AM SO READY TO GO INTO THE WORLD AND LIVE IN IT
+ WHO WANTS TO COME WITH ME????
I think the best part about today was not the adventure itself (even though it was pretty great), and not getting back into photography after a year-long hiatus. It was that I finally came to a point where I did something, something excellent, as a response to a bad situation rather than just angrily sit at home. I always wanted to be the person who would say “I need to go somewhere” and then actually go somewhere. Before today, however, I was only half of that person. My roommate was telling me the other day that sometimes, on her way to the studio, she wonders what it would be like to not take that turn and instead just keep going. “What’s the worst that could happen?” she’d asked. And I don’t know. You miss a day of classes? You miss a day of homework? You “waste time”? I really don’t think it would be a waste of time. Just a different decision.
I’m not going to be someone who only says things. I’m going to do things. This realization is so freeing.
This is where I ended up after my last post, after not having picked up an actual camera in a yearish. [I had let my friend borrow my camera last year for a wedding, and he ended up breaking my lens. He was going to get me a new one, but then he got busy with getting married, and I knew he’d take care of it so I didn’t say anything until a few weeks ago. He felt really bad, and immediately ordered me a new one because he’s great like that, and I just got it in the mail today.]
Anyway, I don’t really feel like getting into the whole thing that happened, but it’s just something that has been building up for a while. And I’m tired of thinking about it today. I might write about it at some point… but not now.
What I do when I am so angry I honestly feel like ralphing:
1. Get in the car.
2. Put on the mix I made entitled These Fragments I Have Shored Against My Ruins (available soon).
3. Drive.
I’ll… fill you in later. Maybe.
Omg. Okay. Really stressed out.
>.<
ienjoysweets: i just want to drive. nonstop. and have no idea where i’m going. just having the comfort that it’s far, far away.
Today as I was looking for Office Depot, I ended up on a back road lined with palm trees and nothing else that seemed to be heading off to an island or something, and the temptation to keep going in that direction was like the pull off the earth around the sun.
Things I need to do today:
+ Go to Walmart to pick up my photos (heck yes 35mm!)
+ Buy 12 cheapo binders for this incredibly stupid project
+ Redo the chair underdrawings
+ Draw plans for the 24e window
+ Spend some actual freaking time in the studio for once in my life
Oh my goodness, there are only 19 days left and I’m starting to stressssssssssss…
